Sharing Something Vulnerable

I want to share something vulnerable. Something personal. I don’t normally do this but maybe there is a woman out there who needs to hear this. For a long time, I felt like I couldn’t chase my dreams. I wanted to do so many things and I had the energy and inspiration to do them! However, I never found the time (and never got the “permission” to do the things I was called to do). There were people in my life who put me down and sabotaged everything I tried to do unless it was to benefit them. I was constantly sacrificing my sleep, my health, my finances, literally everything - even my sanity, to please the selfish people around me.

Meanwhile there was this calling on my life that never let me forget about it. It stayed in the back of my mind, gently tugging, pulling me to pursue what I was born to do. I still hear it to this day, it never gave up on me, even though for so many years, I couldn’t follow it...

Eventually I learned about narcissistic abuse and it all started to make sense. I realized why no matter how much I did the right thing, it just felt like I was feeding a monster that could never be satisfied. I started to understand why my life was a frustrated mess. And I started to do something about it! I learned about boundaries. Every time I tried to put them into practice, there was a shit storm afterward. I began to realize that my whole life, I had relationships and family ties that taught me it was more important to be subservient than an autonomous human. For decades, I was not allowed to say NO to anything without a punishment. It was really an uphill battle with my mind and with those around me. Until I finally said enough. Enough to my past “programming” and enough to my current painful life.

The day I finally stood up for myself and said enough is enough, is the day I began to use my voice. I made a safety plan. I worked on developing my dreams so that I could make a career out of these skills I had.

Listen, I spent over 40 years being a wonderful little servant to all the people around me. Always trying to please everyone else. Always so worried about getting everyone’s acceptance and making sure everyone else was happy. I was so good at anticipating others’ needs. And there was nothing I knew more about than birth and postpartum and breastfeeding. I had already been a doula for the majority of my adult life. And being a doula is how I was able to take my 3 daughters and escape a home filled with emotional, psychological and sometimes physical violence. Being a doula gave me the earning ability to provide a home and food and all the things needed for my girls and me.

When I attend births or give advice to families, I am not just doing a job. I believe in this work. Doulas save lives. Doulas change the course of generations. And most importantly, doulas empower women in a time of their life when they need to be reminded how strong and important and capable they are. Being a doula saved my life. Saved the lives of my girls. And hopefully taught everyone who has followed my story a little something about feminine resilience. Women are freaking amazing, y’all. And if we can all remember that for OURSELVES, that might just help us change the world.

Make this the time you chase YOUR dreams. Teach your children what it means to take your own goals seriously. They are watching. Are they learning how to value themselves? What do you want for their lives? Show the world what women can do. There’s an upswing happening. We cannot rest until the powerful, creation-bearing, life-giving, gentle, beautiful souls have fully woken up and are walking in the strength and bravery we were meant to be walking in all along.

Dream big.

We are here to support you. You are important. You are loved.

Anne

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